TELEPHONE EXPLOSION RECORDS

Can you imagine what dinnertime conversation is like in this family's household?

"Pass the broccoli YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"

I got sent this video a couple of days ago. I watched it and this dude has been haunting my dreams ever since.

People who are responsible for shitty horror movies like Silent Hill should have a look at this. This is the face of pure terror. PURE. FUCKING. TERROR.

On December 3rd, Telephone Explosion will be celebrating our 1st anniversary at Sneaky Dee's with::::::

HUMAN EYE - Detroit Crazyness
www.myspace.com/humaneyedetroit

HOLY COBRAS - Ottawa paint sniffing psych rock
www.myspace.com/holycobras

TEEN ANGER - Toronto band
www.myspace.com/teenangerrr

THE BANG BANGS - members of DCT and a few other bands.
No songs on myspace......

This is a Wednesday, so $2.75 beers are in effect! It's Steve's (co/owners) 29th birthday as well.

9:00 door, first band at 9:30. $8 door, two out of town bands.... come get your brain stirred!

Someone will be playing good music in between bands and a poster will be made!

myspace.com/telephoneexplosionrecords

WITH SO MUCH HELP FROM MARK PESCI!!!! We're not concert promoters.

This is amazing. I'd never heard of Screaming Lord Sutch before and this clip blew my mind. I'm going to spend the rest of the day trying to find more of his stuff.

Oh yeah, and Holy Cobras' Make Pyramids is now available for download here.

If it weren't for the sappy ending this would be amazing. But it's still pretty fucking good.

For some reason I find this so incredibly sexual.

Who know Gene Wilder could rock out SO HARD????

I forgot to upload the Charlie & The Moonhearts songs last week. Sorry about that. They are now online and you can download them here (if you have the code of course.)

Here's a video of them playing outside a garage. We would love to see them up in Canada some time.

Broken ceiling tiles. Bloody cameramen. Lights flickering on and off. Shirtless dudes bear hugging each other and wearing hard hats.

This sounds like an episode of "Village People Xtreme: Disco Fights" but it is actually Fucked Up live on MTV.

I remember the first time I consciously feared death. I was in grade 3 and had watched a nuclear holocaust movie with my parents the night before.

There was a fire drill during the morning class and I was absolutely convinced that the bomb was coming down and we were all going to be vaporized. Maybe I would be a survivor and have to find a bunch of radioactive freakazoids to befriend. Either option left me speechless with terror.

Of course, nothing happened. The fire drill came and went and we all got sent back to class. Marco, the kid who sat in front of me, started making some weird noises and threw up all over his desk. He said it was the "chili cheese" he had eaten the night before. I'll never forget that.

Chili cheese. Does that even exist?

So I went home for lunch and watched The Price Is Right with my grandmother. Here's a clip of a woman who didn't do too well when she was on that show.

The last time I watched this movie I was 16 and grounded for the weekend. I was bored so I ate two of my mom's diazepam pills and snuck a few vodka shots from the liquor cabinet. I don't remember anything about that night, including this amazing fight scene.

Just got back from a whirlwind weekend tour with Teenanger. Three shows in two days, 20 hours of driving and everyone was sick with a cold. We still had a good time but took it pretty easy on ourselves (for once.) Thanks to everyone who helped us out!

Updates have been sparse as of late. That's because we've been busy with the two newest releases. The Charlie & The Moonhearts tapes are available now and we've already sold a shitload. They won't be around forever, and boy do they look cool!

The new Holy Cobras tape will be done soon. We are getting the artwork silkscreened as I type this. I feel like we're really stepping things up with respect to our packaging. This makes me happy.

And you may have heard wind that we are moving into the vinyl realm. This is true and we hope to re-release Demon's Claws' Sick Chili on 12" before the year is up. Pre-orders will start soon.

Finally, what update would be complete without a youtube link? Here's a contestant getting a little too into Supermarket Sweep:

Playboy playmate/Amazing b-movie starlet Claudia Jennings died in her fiery Volkswagen on this day in 1979. She was cool beans so here are a few choice cuts to commemorate her.

Soy Bomb. Sounds like something that would happen four to five hours after overeating at the vegan buffet. Turns out it's the best Grammy stunt ever!

Saw fucking DEAN DIRG last night with Brutal Knights. I was so into it, I took a taxi to the airport and got on a plane to Germany.

I am typing this from the internet cafe across the street from some filthy squat WHERE I AM NOW LIVING.

As the weather gets colder, I feel like I should be making a commitment to my body and mind by not going out as much.

It's not the first time I've felt this way, and not much ever comes of it. But I think that I have found a solution: Smoking a giant cracker and watching this clip over and over again every Friday night.

This is basically why you'll never catch me on a plane.

Lou Dog, canine companion of late douchebag Brad Nowell, died on this day in 2001.

Here's a clip of a drunken Lou and some other not-so-famous dog (who also appears to have been classily fed booze from its owner.)

We can't find any information about Lou Dog's death, but can safely assume that he committed suicide when the idea of being linked to one of the absolute worst musicians of all time became too much to bear.

Here's looking at you Lou. Too bad you couldn't have belonged to Captain Beefheart instead.

Watched this movie last night. Should have done so years ago. Pretty fucking good.

Leoncie, please come over to my house tonight. I want to smoke cigarettes with you and watch the sun go down. Afterwards you can hold me and rub my back while I cry myself to sleep.

You can let yourself out or stay the night if you'd like. I have puffed wheat and skim milk for breakfast, and my coffee machine works OK.

You know, everybody watches this clip and laughs at this guy, but his shit truly is locked down pretty tight.

Here are some things he possesses that I do not:

- A full head of hair
- The ability to play basketball
- A car
- Earnestness

I am pretty sleep-deprived right now. That might have something to do with why I find this so funny.

Some drunk skinhead got into a scrap at the Vice/Magnolia Pictures film fest on Monday night. Not huge news, except that his maneuver of choice was the kick!

Check out the grace and form this guy has. And all this with big heavy boots on. Congratulations man! Quite nice.

If only he could put his talents to use in something less violent. Gymnastics? Synchronized swimming? Interpretive dance?

We are still taking pre-orders for the new Charlie & The Moonhearts cassette. It's called Thunderbeast and it rules. You need it. And we need money to start releasing records. SO BUY IT.

We only have 30 or so copies left of this, so there is a good chance it will sell out before it is actually released. Act fast!

Cassettes are $6 including shipping (within North America.) If you're overseas get in touch and we'll work something out.

Look, I even made a fancy button:

The shit hit the fan last night at V Fest in Toronto. Here is a clip of Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher getting pushed from behind during their performance. The action starts at about 1:30.

I never understood people with this fetish for all things UK. That dude probably just got back from Musky fishing in Northern Quebec and decided to become an official bovver boy football hooligan for one night.

How embarassing for him.

He probably even intentionally broke his nose a couple of weeks before the show to ensure maximum realism.

What do champion gymnasts Paul Hamm, Morgan Hamm and Shawn Johnson have in common?

They all apparently inhaled large quantities of helium before shooting this god-awful commercial.

In keeping with the theme of yesterday's post, here's another "what the fuck were the event organizers thinking" clip.

Also, watching this is a lot like looking at yourself in the soul mirror.

What's inside your soul?

This is a clip of Roseanne singing the American national anthem at a 1990 Major League Baseball game.

I remember my parents (and the rest of North America) being so pissed off about this. I never could understand why though.

What did the organizers think would happen when they got ROSEANNE FUCKING BARR to come in and do this???

When I started playing drums at 16, my parents probably envisioned me growing up to do something like this:

There is a wicked band out there. They are called Estrogen Highs and hail from New Haven CT. They are a bit jangly, a bit punk, and a bit very fucking good.

Guess what? We are going to put out their tape.

You will like it. If you are smart you will buy it.

We spent the weekend in Montreal and Ottawa with Teenanger. It was as blast as usual. Thanks to everyone who put us up AND put up with us.

Our friend Matt cooked us a fine meal before we headed home and we all watched Thundercats on dvd together.

From what I gather, this was one of the first Japanese cartoons to really catch on in North America. The voiceover work is laughable.

Here's a clip of some Thundercats outtakes. Pretty funny and a little blue at times.

We know this is everywhere right now, but it's fucking funny and plenty evil so enjoy!

Check this out. The newest member of the Blue Man Group?

Extermination night IX was fucking off the wall!!! Here are some photos of Teenanger in action, courtesy of David Waldman.

BIGFOOT PRESS CONFERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can someone please tell us if this is a joke or not?

www.pornfortheblind.org

So how's your day going? We're doing pretty well on this end thanks.

Oh, and by the way...THEY FOUND A FUCKING SASQUATCH.

AND THE CHUPACABRA!!!!

"Let's be careful out there."

My roommate recently told me about "Cop Rock." This was a show that hit the airwaves in 1990 (I was 7 at the time) and aimed to combine musical theater with police drama.

Ok, let's just step back here for a second. You are reading this correctly. Musical theatre AND police drama. ALL JAMMED TOGETHER IN A PRIMETIME TV SHOW.

Apparently The people at ABC thought it was a great idea to combine The Sound of Music and Law and Order.

The result is a show that went down as one of the biggest failures in television history.

I don't have anything else to say. Just watch it and prepare to go berserk.

Word on the street (ok, the e-avenues of stillepost.ca) has it that Murray Lightburn from shitty band The Dears is COMPLETELY BANANAS.

Read this story, and watch the following video. Then judge for yourselves.

You wouldn't believe the things that went down in the studio. I was there as a runner for some of it. First of all, Murray doesn't talk to anyone but Natalia or his assistant, Leopold. Don't try asking him a question or even bother saying hello. He won't look at you, let alone answer. If Murray wants to record a guitar part, he'll whisper what he wants to Leopold and Leopold will tell the engineer. Also if, for example, the engineer wants to know what amp Murray will be using, he asks Leopold, and Leopold relays the info to Murray. One of the engineers who was working on the record early on addressed Murray directly, to ask if he would be partaking in some Thai take out. Big mistake. What did Murray do? Fire the poor engineer? Forget that. He packed everything up and CHANGED STUDIOS! You'd think I was making this up.

The absolute most insane thing I saw was when he sent Leo out to the Lightburn homestead for some cheese and crackers. Leo came back with some seriously expensive cheeses, including a big chunk of Gauro Glas, a hunk of Caciocavallo Podolico and some Swedish Moose Cheese. Murray shared the cheese and crackers with everyone (one thing the guy is not is selfish). We were all a bit sheepish about taking too much since these were some really pricey cheeses, so there was a ton left over. Can you guess what happened to the rest? Leo fucking THREW IT OUT! There must have been at least a hundred dollars in grade A cheese in the trash. When we freaked because Leo threw the cheese out, Murray, for the first time since we'd been recording, burst out laughing. He leaned over and whispered to Leo, after which Leo looks at as and says Mr Lightburn asks why we don't remove the cheese from "the bin" and send it to "the needy?" Then he fired us, on the spot. Just like that. Five engineers, two runners, four guitar techs, two keyboard techs, a drum tech, a vocal tech, the lighting guy and the make up artist. All fired over cheese. Unreal.

Now, I'm going to go on record here and say that MAYBE this is all a load of bullshit. Some sort of viral marketing campaign for their next record (which is conveniently coming out very soon.)

But either way, still newsworthy.

This blog shit ain't no easy game. You keep burrowing through layers and layers of incomprehensible nerdiness, and then you find this and it makes you even more confused.

People across the globe are mourning the recent passing of Isaac Hayes.

BUT FUCK THAT SCIENTOLOGIST! HERE'S JUNIOR WELLS!

On this day in 1933 Joe Tex was born.

We are huge fans of his music and even bigger fans of his dance moves. It’s pretty well known that James brown NOT ONLY stole Joe's dance moves, but also his wife.

Have a good weekend.

The 2008 Summer Olympics are officially underway.

There was a huge ceremony in Beijing today and sports fans all over the world are preparing to get emotional over a bunch of stupid shit.

So to commemorate all this hoopla, here is a clip of Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards and his absolutely god-awful ski jump at the 1988 Calgary Winter Olympics.

Notice the striking resemblance to "Bubbles" from Trailer Park Boys.

The Stooges played at Massey Hall last night. Fucked up opened and I'm sure it was a good time. $100+ tickets are lame so we OPTED to stay home (actually we were just to broke to go.)

Here's a clip of Iggy leaving the show and signing autographs. He cheekily comments on their gear being stolen in MTL.

More noteworthy, however, are his teeth. That is one million-dollar smile Iggy. I wonder what kind of denture paste he uses...

So basically there's this guy in Venice Beach. His feet are backwards and he breakdances.

Seriously. That is some one-in-a-billion shit right there.

He's the Jeff Healey (R.I.P.) of the dancing world.

He fucking brings it.

Another Teenanger review from Torontoindie.com.

Teenanger: Banned from the Beaver, 2008 Telephone Explosion Records

Teenanger basically did what I did when I was banned from the beaver; they got bigger, harder and meaner. Right from the first track “Dr. Ugs”, Teenanger are out to outdo themselves. BftB swings violently, rocks hard and spits blood and vodka like Iggy Pop in his prime.

The album’s production remains just as raw as their first, but you can see that the band is pushing it, trying to find crazier, more funhouse-esque sounds to make the experience this time the LSD to the self-titled’s shrooms. The new album also shows the band leaning more towards a bloozy-swagger, particularly on tracks like the evil-dimension-Rolling Stones-esque “Junkyard Wife” and “Brain Hiccup”. The playing feels like it’s got more bottom to it now; it’s just plain meatier.

This is a band that doesn’t confuse speed with power, as is evidenced by the slower, blues-ier tracks mentioned above. At the same time, when these punks want to play fast and hard in songs like “Minimum Wage” and the poetically titled “Unbelievable Shithead”, you couldn’t afford enough speed to keep up with these guys.

Though the album’s only seven tracks (none over 4 minutes) and the feel and style of the album is unchanged from the self-titled, BftB is a step forward for Teenanger. It’s not a monumental step forward, as that would require some kind of change in the whole formula, but it showcases an already kick-ass band just kicking more ass.

You wanna see a dude covered in rubber octopi?

You wanna see a bunch of kids that dress like your friends at the art party?

You wanna see 11-year-old Serge's latest invention? THE COFFEE BAG???

Two words for you: DR FAD. Tragically taken off the air after its first season.

And here's a clip of the actual show:

Today is a stat holiday here in Canada, so we're taking it off.

OK, we'll post one clip for you. But just one.

This is a very insightful interview with Dan Burke. We've talked about him before on this site, and he is quite the interesting dude.

Not many people know his full story, and he goes into quite a bit of detail here. Enjoy!

We're gonna go swim in the polluted waters of Lake Ontario now...

And in other news. TIT CLAP.

This is TOTALLY fucked.

This kind of demented violence hardly ever happens in Canada.

I used to take redeye Greyhounds all the time and after hearing this guy recreate the scene I can safely say I'll never be getting on a bus again.

GREYHOUND, YOU'RE IN TROUBLE!!!!!!!

Also, note the unbelievably "Canadian" accent, and the fact that this dude looks like he's sincerely enjoying being the centre of attention. People in shock generally don't use terms like "Blood Curdling Scream."

This is what happens when Clive Barker meets Bob and Doug McKenzie:

HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK

This is the best video we've ever posted. Thanks Nathan!

I hear that if you watch this three times in a row in a dark bathroom, Jesus comes and cuts your ears off...